~ people are stranger ~

sunshine sunshine go away

if you can't reach my heart

~ unintended ~

please, smile

i feel like oharu returning from shimabara. last days have taught me to understand japanese art on a completely new level, a deeper one. i overtook their way of existence.

there's something deeply wrong with being broken under a clear sky, in warmth, in a perfect surface and a practical non-worry. coming from a country of paradoxes i should be able to handle this dissonance skillfully. i am not. running on autopilot, i have no clue what i am doing.

i weep for him, i weep for him now

i'm singing a lot lately. today i sat and scribbled down a map of oslo, leaving supposedly many tourist out of any cartographical clue about the city. june married saturn. in july i marked the city of swan.

~ parliament square ~

dziś manną - popioły
ludzie czarnozębni
czarnoręcy

czarnoduszni

today's long walk. in the rain. crouching in the middle of the road to take the photo, some horning idiots. grey stillness. cold.
grammophone got broken.

it may be silent
but i hear bombs fall

~ clothe yourself well for the wind ~

i didn't. i chose not too.
i don't want to defend myself anymore.

strange days. inspiration comes and goes. colours invade from everywhere around. the stillness is overhwhelming.
i have to leave just when i've started feeling so well here and found people i know i'll miss.

i don't care about explanations.
when leaving is a come-back and a come-back - leaving, it feels vague. i feel i'm floating. maybe because of last night's party. drifting. maybe because i pretended to be otto von bismarck. although i thought the very same thought i use to think when i'm resting my head on the pillow after a party.
my fingers glide over my skin, i'm dulled by unreality thudding down these white walls. a huge night ray descends on me. i can't move.
maybe this evening is just a headache.

i'm thinking about bridges.

we took ourselves out of our hands
we couldn't have explained
danger better

~ another story girl ~

now, tell me who browses google graphics in the middle of the night to search for pics of library from disney's beauty and the beast. euphemisms, please.

the vision of bella sliding on a ladder from shelf to shelf just flashed through my mind in a moment of blankness, but it was enough.
picture found. it seems a bit overwhelming and cold now. tripped over some other one, from a theatre show, i guess. try to ignore the eyefucking pinkness of beauty's dress. and yes, i know i could say tasteless instead of this filthy neologism. or anything different in so called higher register, but... oh, fuck it.

then came a memory of me that for two highschool years used to read while walking. to school, and back, and to the club meetings, to bus stops, just going and reading... if it didn't rain. if it rained, it was fun as well.
nope, never got under carwheels then, never crashed with anyone, nothing of this style. sorry ;) now it feels sentimental and sweet.

and what a feeling it was - me sinking in ann of green gables or secret garden time after time, and seeing this paradise library with two deep, soft armchairs and a fireplace. i don't know whether i added a white piano at one of these lovely, high windows or if it stood there originally, but i always include it in my fantasy.
scent of books with yellowed pages, image of fingers that ran over them before me.
and a my blueberry nights quote (there was a better one, though):

- you're hopeless.
- you're hopeless too. /smile/

~ dynamite ~

first the light
and then the thunder
i've been up all night and I got it now

i had something to add
to the things you showed me
i've got it here underneath my coat