~ a bat in the closet ~

a huge, ancient door is opening accompanied by a simple, beautiful sound. physician's white light is pouring in with each centimeter and my soles turn towards it.

oslo. first lesson of walking in the light.
now. thinking of all the matrioshka-closets we free ourselves from.
holding mikhail with one hand and david with the other.

towards a breath.

~ des armes ~

the only unbearable thing is that nothing is unbearable

dear french soulmate, you reach me through time. you always have.
this painting was my second one here, in ingesund. it's always seemed not right.
tonight i sat down on my bed, took small thread scissors and a dull knife. i jabbed some holes in the painting, scratched and scraped the surface. till it felt real.
it sounded as if i was stripping or tearing something, though i didn't care about what others would think i was doing. i needed it. it suited the idea of the picture. the scissors is sticked into the right corner of the canvas.

the only thing we tend to forget about halos
is that their edges are sharp like nothing in this world

dear arthur. i have a letter written to you, dated 22nd october 2004.
wish we could run out on the street together, straight into the rainy night, and fall asleep in one of those forgotten attics of paris. soaked and understood.

~ wingsdropper ~

you have an incredibly musical ear, i heard from kenneth ekornes last august.

i smiled to him through the dim redness of one of sopot's blues pubs. that means something in such mouth. thought yeah, and drowned the pinch of newcome sadness in gin&tonic.

you should be an artist, i've just heard. smiled.
oh, i should have been so many things.
life's bitch, sorry, no bonus. nothing will come to you unless you tear it out from reality, using your full strength and determination.

the picture above is my first painting done ever. first on canvas, first with brushes and paints and all this serious stuff (the photo flattened it and messed the colours a bit).
hm. came back from lunch and heard this comment on the painting:
it's so expressive, she looks as if she was trying to free herself from her wings.
a smile again. she didn't appear to me so when i was painting.
guess i chose well my secondary nickname those few years ago.

dream on,
all we need is just a little patience.